Natural hair vs. Relaxed hair

This has been an issue that has affected and puzzled the minds of many African American people, men and women alike: the debate over being natural vs. being relaxed. (and for the extreme few who don't understand, being natural as in wearing your natural hair texture vs. getting chemical services to straighten your hair).

I've been watching many different blogs on You Tube lately about women with natural hair vs. women with relaxed hair and it seems like there's a war going between these two groups of ladies and their supporters. I've heard naturals calling relaxed ladies "self-loathers" who hate the texture of their hair and want to be white as possible, so they straighten the kinks/curls so they will have a more European apperance. Then there's the relaxed group who say that no one wants nappy hair or they straighten hair just because its easier to deal with and not to look white, so forth and so on. Me, being a black woman feel that black people as a whole have so many issues to deal with other than issues of hair, to be sitting here competing against our fellow brother/sister. I just think it's so irrevelant for this to even be an issue.

Hair is hair and what you choose to do with your hair is your business. No body should judge you based on a decision that you made about something as insignifcant as hair. We have so many other things we could be focusing on other than something so minute. Hair is a lifestyle choice and I believe people (not just black people) make choices based on their lifestyle.

I'm a relaxed lady, and not ever once in my life did I decide to relax because I thought it would make me more European in apperance. As a matter of fact, I do something called stretching (going without a relaxer for a long period of time so that new growth can accumulate). With stretching, not only am I able to see my natural hair again, I embrace it. I love how it curls and how soft it is and mangeable it is. And if I was well established enough (that being that I was no longer a full time student and didn't have to work to pay bills) I would allow my hair to grow natural. I choose not to at this moment not because I want to be white, but because my lifestyle doesn't permit me to. Natural hair needs a lot of attention especially when styling. I just don't have that kind of time right now to give it attention. So I relax. I style and go in a matter of 10-15 minutes because that's all the time I can spare. And at this point in life, being relaxed is more convinent and efficent for me.

And to the natural ladies, this is fine also. Natural hair is beautiful. And to those who critize, maybe you should be a little more open minded. Those who choose to be natural, I repect and honor your decision, especially in a society where being natural is so rare. And if it fits your lifestyle and you make time to do so, I feel that's wonderful and no one should critize them for doing so.

So to reinstate my point, this is why I feel that whatever the reason you are rocking natural or relaxed, its completely up to you. When white people get perms to make their hair curly/kinky, no one says they are trying to be "more black" so why should we flip this on relaxed women? It's really irrevevant. Straightening your hair is a style and not a style that's strickly for white culture. If you like the way straight hair looks, then rock it. If you got straight hair and you are feeling the curly look, then do you too. There's nothing wrong with changing a hairstyle. It is not changing your identity, changing who you are inside or affecting your way of life. Do what you feel fits you and your lifestyle. There's nothing wrong with that and people who say otherwise are usually closed minded and ignorant to the fact that hair is nothing this big world or life changing issue. It's just hair. And people who usually comment on this issue usually can never back up their reasoning behind their views and never make valid points. In my opinion, this issue needs to no longer be addressed. It's just not important enough. And I know I'm going get those few people who say, "subconsciously you relax because you want to be white" and in response I say, "let me see your Phd in psychology."

As in any case there are always exceptions to the rule (those blacks who really want to be white that we see on talk shows and such), but you can't let them account for the majority when this is only a very small portion of sample. So please don't even let this ideal cross your mind.

Like I said ladies of every race and culture, whether black, white, asian, latina or whatever, do what fits you. And let's stop putting each other down because above all things, whether you are trying to make yourself feel better by putting another group down, being judgmental shows a lack of confidence in ones self and is never attractive. And I'm just saying that honesly.