Natural hair vs. Relaxed hair

This has been an issue that has affected and puzzled the minds of many African American people, men and women alike: the debate over being natural vs. being relaxed. (and for the extreme few who don't understand, being natural as in wearing your natural hair texture vs. getting chemical services to straighten your hair).

I've been watching many different blogs on You Tube lately about women with natural hair vs. women with relaxed hair and it seems like there's a war going between these two groups of ladies and their supporters. I've heard naturals calling relaxed ladies "self-loathers" who hate the texture of their hair and want to be white as possible, so they straighten the kinks/curls so they will have a more European apperance. Then there's the relaxed group who say that no one wants nappy hair or they straighten hair just because its easier to deal with and not to look white, so forth and so on. Me, being a black woman feel that black people as a whole have so many issues to deal with other than issues of hair, to be sitting here competing against our fellow brother/sister. I just think it's so irrevelant for this to even be an issue.

Hair is hair and what you choose to do with your hair is your business. No body should judge you based on a decision that you made about something as insignifcant as hair. We have so many other things we could be focusing on other than something so minute. Hair is a lifestyle choice and I believe people (not just black people) make choices based on their lifestyle.

I'm a relaxed lady, and not ever once in my life did I decide to relax because I thought it would make me more European in apperance. As a matter of fact, I do something called stretching (going without a relaxer for a long period of time so that new growth can accumulate). With stretching, not only am I able to see my natural hair again, I embrace it. I love how it curls and how soft it is and mangeable it is. And if I was well established enough (that being that I was no longer a full time student and didn't have to work to pay bills) I would allow my hair to grow natural. I choose not to at this moment not because I want to be white, but because my lifestyle doesn't permit me to. Natural hair needs a lot of attention especially when styling. I just don't have that kind of time right now to give it attention. So I relax. I style and go in a matter of 10-15 minutes because that's all the time I can spare. And at this point in life, being relaxed is more convinent and efficent for me.

And to the natural ladies, this is fine also. Natural hair is beautiful. And to those who critize, maybe you should be a little more open minded. Those who choose to be natural, I repect and honor your decision, especially in a society where being natural is so rare. And if it fits your lifestyle and you make time to do so, I feel that's wonderful and no one should critize them for doing so.

So to reinstate my point, this is why I feel that whatever the reason you are rocking natural or relaxed, its completely up to you. When white people get perms to make their hair curly/kinky, no one says they are trying to be "more black" so why should we flip this on relaxed women? It's really irrevevant. Straightening your hair is a style and not a style that's strickly for white culture. If you like the way straight hair looks, then rock it. If you got straight hair and you are feeling the curly look, then do you too. There's nothing wrong with changing a hairstyle. It is not changing your identity, changing who you are inside or affecting your way of life. Do what you feel fits you and your lifestyle. There's nothing wrong with that and people who say otherwise are usually closed minded and ignorant to the fact that hair is nothing this big world or life changing issue. It's just hair. And people who usually comment on this issue usually can never back up their reasoning behind their views and never make valid points. In my opinion, this issue needs to no longer be addressed. It's just not important enough. And I know I'm going get those few people who say, "subconsciously you relax because you want to be white" and in response I say, "let me see your Phd in psychology."

As in any case there are always exceptions to the rule (those blacks who really want to be white that we see on talk shows and such), but you can't let them account for the majority when this is only a very small portion of sample. So please don't even let this ideal cross your mind.

Like I said ladies of every race and culture, whether black, white, asian, latina or whatever, do what fits you. And let's stop putting each other down because above all things, whether you are trying to make yourself feel better by putting another group down, being judgmental shows a lack of confidence in ones self and is never attractive. And I'm just saying that honesly.

Who knows what it means to be black?

What bothers me terribly about white people is how they claim to be experts at everything. But what bothers me most about this belief is the fact that they claim to be experts on the black race and the function of the African American experience. Basically, they know what goes in the mind of African American people, how they think, how they speak, what they eat, how they interact with each other and so on so forth. For some reason, they believe they know what it is to be a black person. Now I have to stop and laugh at this ideal, but not for its humor, but for its ignorance. Tell me how in the hell can a people so absored in themselves, greed and power are able to analyze and determine a basic idea of what it means to be black.

The reason I decided to touch on this subject today is because of what my girl told me. She told me that while in class, they were analyzing a poem by a black woman named Harriet. In the poem, to make a point, she used the words 'we' and 'us' interchangeably. The professor, who is a white man, says that black people do that all the time. It is apart of their common language. This really disturbed my girl and annoyed the heck out of me. Why is it that when white people hear black people speak improperly (regardless of the reason), they believe this is the common language and all blacks speak in this manner? Just because I hear a white person speak improper or say 'like' before and after everything (like, can we like hang out and like, watch a movie like...) doesn't mean that they all speak in this manner.

Its amazing that one race that has never been black, will never be black, hasn't faced the same struggles as blacks and who will never deal with the same racism that blacks experience are all of a sudden experts on the matter. White people, are you all really that great where you know all, see all and have experienced all. If so, then I understand why you rule the world.

But anywho, I guess my main issue is that no body, not even black people, can fully understand what it means to be black from every perspective. Yes, most of us do face some of the same issues, but being black for everyone that is black can be different. There is no general meaning of being a black person or African American. There are people from too many different backgrounds who've had many different experiences. To say what it means to be black is giving a generalization, and most knowledge seeking adults understand that generalizations are bull!

Just like this black guy told me today... "Niggas and their chicken." So I asked, "What does that mean?" And he replies, "All niggas love chicken." So I replyed, "Don't you like chicken?" And he replies, "I'm a nigga so of course I do." And I replied, "Well I'm not a nigga, but I like chicken." This conversation just goes to show you how ignorance is colorless. It comes in every form and fashion and in ever race. By him implying that all niggas love chicken what he was trying to state was all black people love chicken. This itself is a generalization. My ex hates chicken! So like I said, there is no defination of what it means to be black. Not white people or black people can define what it means to be black. There is no one answer.

The typical ingorant person would say that blacks love chicken and watermelon, love hot sauce, speak improperly or with slang or ebonics, commits crimes, steals, lies and rapes women, carries guns or at least knows how to shot them, are lazy and overly materialistic, have bad credit and the list goes on. Me personally, only fit into one of these categories... I like chicken and thats as far as it goes for me.

So people, stop trying to define blackness. Stop telling black people that speak properly that they aren't black enough. There is no definition and no one has the authority to define what it is to be black. It's getting really old and I'm really sick of the generalizations. It's not flattering to the African American race and it's not flattering to the races giving those generalizations. Secondly, black folks, we need to stop allowing people to place these labels upon ourselves, but more importantly, we must stop placing these labels upon ourselves.

Don't Keep it To Yourself

I realized more and more that as I continued to post opinionated blogs on my myspace page, I became less popular with the general public. Not with the males of course, but with some of the people that I held dearly. People found me offensive and overly outspoken. I guess thats what happens to those who speak their mind. So I came up with the idea to have a blog where I could be semi-anonymous, and still speak what I wish without losing friends, fans, or whatever in the process. This is a place that I can absolutely say whatever I want and not have to worry about the consequences too much. I would love to post some of my previous posts from my myspace blog, because some are pretty interesting, but that would defeat my chances or remaining semi-anonymous. So for that reason, I cannot post a picture of myself and I cannot post my myspace page either. Maybe one day figure out some way to link them, but for now, this will be a more personal blog. The only people who read it who know me will probably be those who I invite personally.

I think its also important for me to let people know exactly what this blog is about. Well, its about me. It's pretty much about anything I'm thinking of at that moment. Sometimes one will see that militant, tough side of me who speaks for the greater good of the people and sometimes you'll see the softer side of me and I'll speak of relationships and such. Basically, I'll just do me. Whatevers in my head that I feel people should know, I'll let it be known. Please in advance, excuse any language or gramatical/spelling errors because I probably will only go over the blog once. I want it to be as raw and full of passion as possible. I want people to know the true me and what goes inside of the head of an educated, strong, blah blah, midwestern African American woman... or something like that. And don't worry, I'm not always ultra serious. I can be fun too, or at least I'm told ;-)

And with that being said, I open myself up to you all